“We are losing. But I ain’t no loser.” Or, how I learned to stop worrying and love the Black Blame Box

Sage words from a true leader.

In Bruce Miles latest piece, Dusty introduces his black blame box theory. Let’s break it down!
Baker drew an analogy of a manager to a black box on an airplane.

Giddy with anticipation! I feel the analogy is approriate considering this season has been a tragic crash anyway.

“If the airplane has a failure, it has a black box where everybody is going to see whether it was pilot error or mechanical error or failure or whatever,” he said. “The one thing you learn about in life, no matter what job you’re in, is you’re going to have your turn to be in that box, whether you’re a manager or a coach or a CEO or a president or a janitor.

I’m sorry… I don’t understand your analogy, could you explain it better? How does it apply to me?

“You know everybody is going to get a chance in what I call the black blame box, because that’s what it is.”

So… someday, I will get my chance to be in the “black blame box”? 

Baker was asked if that meant he would come out and reveal his thoughts on the Cubs’ problems after he was gone, just as a black box can reveal what actually occurred during a plane crash.

“No,” Sadly, I am incapable of coherent thought he replied. “They have been good to me. I have no complaints about Tribune (Co.), about Jim, about Andy, about people upstairs.” You better not, you incompetent asshead!

Baker repeated a story (meaning he’s told it before!) about his father telling his wife two things about him (wait, his father told Dusty’s wife, or the father’s wife? and did he tell her two things about Dusty or the father? everytime he tells this story I get confused.) before they got married: that he hates to lose, and not to let him out of the house whenever there’s a full moon.

Because he’s a werewolf?

“I know all my life … I didn’t go from being a winner to just being a loser all of a sudden,” Baker said. No, it started in Sept 04 and has continued to now, it has been a slow and painful process for all of us. “We are losing, but I ain’t no loser.” You tell ‘em Lizard!

Baker reiterated he believes Hendry will give him every opportunity to turn things around.

Considering Donut Jim has been too cowardly to pull the trigger yet…

“I feel comfortable,” he said. “A lot of other people don’t feel comfortable, but I feel comfortable and that’s what counts. Yup, screw the fans, the coaches, players, front office. What counts is that YOU feel comfortable… how about a mohito? I haven’t lost any confidence in what I can do. If anything, it’s a thing where it tests your faith. It tests your outlook on things.

I repeat… this is only a test.

“You learn about people. You learn about yourself. You learn about a lot of stuff. You have to take something out of every situation, whether it’s a negative situation or a positive situation.” However, you seem to take reinforcement that everything you do is right… so, you’re not really learning if you repeat the same mistakes… you so crazy!

Derrek Lee said he considers it “funny” that speculation about Baker’s job status continues to be a big story.

What do you mean funny? what do you mean, you mean the way I talk? What? You mean, let me understand this cause, ya know maybe it’s me, I’m a little fucked up maybe, but I’m funny how, I mean funny like I’m a clown, I amuse you? I make you laugh, I’m here to fuckin’ amuse you? What do you mean funny, funny how? How am I funny? No, no, I don’t know, you said it. How do I know? You said I’m funny. How the fuck am I funny, what the fuck is so funny about me? Tell me, tell me what’s funny!

“Who’s the speculation coming from?” Lee said. Anyone who cares about baseball and has an IQ over 12. “Obviously when things are going this bad, all sorts of things start swirling. Like cries for improvement. It’s nothing new. It’s baseball.”  Barely.

While Hendry wasn’t backing off comments he made Tuesday about evaluating everyone during the four-day break next week, wait for it… he said speculation Baker and his several of his coaches could be gone by next week was premature and that the evaluation process could go on longer. Uhh… that’s called backing off the comments he made Tuesday.

“My situation is no different than it always has been,” Hendry said. “It’s a constant evaluation of the entire process. Dusty understands that. Obviously we need to play better, but there never has been a time frame set by myself. Except the time frame you set two days ago. But nevermind that. And I’m really the one who’s going to make the call. Because you wear the big boy pants!

“I’d like to see us play better before the break, and I’d certainly like to see us play the rest of the year a lot better. The situation right now is that we just have to play better and win some games.” To purchase these and other classic General Manager Cliche Soundbites, send $9.95 to…

Hendry said the decision is his alone and that neither club President Andy MacPhail nor Tribune Co. ownership is pressuring him. Again… because you wear the big boy pants!

Pointless stories AND the black blame box… this gets easier to write each day!